haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
