these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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