So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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