why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
