Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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