i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
