Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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