Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
God I need to hump something, right now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
