FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
