i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
