I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
