I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
