WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
