y did u give ur computer a hand job?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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