Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
