Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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