i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
