She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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