i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
