we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
