nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So vagazzling was a success
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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