She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
50% drunk capacity currently
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
