I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
