I met the friendliest cop last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
