all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
