I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
