dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
