it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I supernannyed him into submission
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
