Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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