Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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