so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the liver wants what the liver wants
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
