The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
