I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
