Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
