a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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