I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
