is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
