Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
