you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
