You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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