i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
