I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
