While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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