Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He shit in the fireplace
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
