Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
