dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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