It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
