The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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