dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
