Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
