Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
