I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
