i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
