The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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