for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
