ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
