I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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