how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
