you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
