Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just had sex on a roof
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
