ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
