Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
