my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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