I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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