I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
