I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
