bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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