you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
