Just fell off a train. Bad.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
