Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
