You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
