just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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