dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
