One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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