I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
