I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
