So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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