Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
