Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
