Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
